You Havenât Gotten Any Closure . April 1, 2013. No. They close the door on you and never look back. It helps tremendously to know that I'm not alone. Watch their breakup here. Everything truly seemed fine and in my opinion, our personalities were great together. 8.0k. So, he ended it and then a week later after begging (which wasn't the best moment for me :\) he wanted to reconcile and then a few weeks later, he wanted a 8 month "break" to focus on himself, work, school & financial situation. Things might not be equitable in terms of blame, but start by reflecting how YOU contributed to the demise of your relationship. Breakups are never easy, but being blindsided by a breakup feels extra harsh sometimes. Google adult attachment and relationships. Then on the week we broke up she mentions all the things that were getting to her, and made it so she couldnât continue. Unfortunately, when youâre blindsided with a breakup, itâs not uncommon for the person to stonewall all further communication. Honestly Iâve never been hurt like it. I made sure to confront her about the issues and I told her what I was going through and how I felt. 282 comments. I have been there. Can't identify their emotions? In a recent Reddit thread, women shared the stories of ⦠The perfect storm is an elitist narcissist who lacks empathy. Iâd been through many a breakup before, but what really shook me to the core about this one was how suddenly everything ended. She described a friend who reliably texted her to see if she got home safe after gatherings as extremely sweet and caring. How long youâve been together isnât as important as the fact that you thought you were happy. The only closure you need is the reality that this person no longer values you enough to make it work with you. blind side 1. verb To startle or surprise someone, as with a piece of information. I think she'd have been fine to stay in this stage for a /lot/ longer, if her job situation hadn't meant she needed to move. I feel like I shouldnât be so blindsided by a breakup and honestly itâs hard to come to terms with. After a breakup, it can be excruciating to deal with all of this, but, before doing anything rash â like sliding into your ex's DMs â you should consider what's going on behind the scenes. She never actually named emotions. Or, they say theyâll talk with you and then keep cancelling. Breakups. But yeah, she pretended like this stuff was not important to her when it was. 4. Doesn't initiate conversations about them with you, family, or friends? They typically can not handle any type of responsibility and go through life attaching and detaching to people, never being able to truly maintain a functional long lasting mature relationship. Whether you saw it coming a mile away or were totally blindsided by a breakup, it's hard to move on when you feel like you don't know the real reason that things didn't work out. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast, More posts from the ExNoContact community, Looks like you're using new Reddit on an old browser. ... Iâll be deleting Reddit and Iâll update everyone in about 1 month! She also seemed to have somewhat superficial friendships and relationships. Then out of nowhere last week she text to say she couldnât see me anymore because of her husband. I obviously donât want anyone to get hurt but it feels like this ending isnât good for anyone? It sucks to say that our relationship ended because of something silly, but better it happens now than 10 years down the line. What hurts me the most is that 2 years into our relationship I was having doubts and felt myself slipping out of love. They knew, on some level, possibly a lot of them, even if ⦠Or months. You Havenât Gotten Any Closure . hide. We never had problems in our relationship, any issue I had (very infrequently) I would bring up so we can solve it together. Youâve been dating someone special for several weeks. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts, https://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/coping/275415-if-you-have-been-dumped-out-blue-read. Now thatâs something to learn for my next relationship and I know what things I should and what things I shouldnât do for my next go. So yeah, it was him. Bro you went full beta. In a recent Reddit thread, women shared the stories of the time when they were totally caught off guard by a breakup. He was the issue. It's also a good time to figure out the non-negotiables for you next relationship. Itâs been 46 days of no contact and every day has its ups and downs. I just would like your view on that and Iâm glad your having progress :)! I would ask her if anything was bothering her and she would tell me it was either school, her family or her work that caused her stress or uneasiness. I feel like I shouldnât be so blindsided by a breakup and honestly itâs hard to come to terms with. Whether you saw it coming a mile away or were totally blindsided by a breakup, it's hard to move on when you feel like you don't know the real reason that things didn't work out. It explains it all. They disappear so that you canât engage with them, or they refuse to let you speak. Everything truly seemed fine and in my opinion, our personalities were great together. While in the relationship I truly believed everything was great, I never would have guessed how she was feeling, she always had a smile on her face and laughed with me and told me she loved me, was, excited to see me, etc. She is married but her husband who I met a couple of times was aware but not involved.it quickly became more than that talking everyday, meeting to go on cute dates rather than just sex, getting each other Christmas presents that kind of thing. But in retrospect, I think that was her way of trying not to realise how bothered she was by it. She broke up with you because you adapted yourself to her traits and lifestyle when it shoud be the other way around. So they sabotage the relationship. He threw the relationship on the fire, got rid of the old toy for the new. Hey guys. The breakup affected her so much she squatted in the middle of an aeroplane hangar in a skintight dress and started sobbing. share. These are written in a way that's a bit more specific to my ex: Had a preference for the 'getting to know you' stage of a relationship. Holy cow. This is important because, after you move on, you're going to be bringing any baggage you might have with you into the next relationship, whenever that might be. I got the closest thing to closure Iâm ever going to get from this dude and now I donât care about his reasons or his âfeelingsâ anymore. She seemed like she had many 'buddies' but didn't seem to have emotional intimacy in her friendships. Remember that it takes TWO people to have and destroy a relationship. I was just like?? Since you didn't see any red flags or warning signs, it's natural to feel as though there's something you can do to ⦠blindsidedçææã解éåç¿»è¯ï¼1. The person after you is not gonna get a better deal, trust me! According to experts, this is what regrets after a breakup might really mean. (TLC) Buddy has been such a loyal friend to Whitney since her breakup with Chase. I Blindsided Him With A Breakup & It Still Haunts Me Sometimes. This really annoyed me because I know weâd talked about what we were and had both said it was more than sex and how much we liked each other repeatedly. Which I think makes it even harder to come to terms with because it doesnât feel like it was her choice or mine to end things. I spent the ensuing weeks in a confused haze, alternating between wallowing in my self-pity and crying until I looked like Charlize Theron in Monster, and trying my best to suppress any hint of distress in public. I took him in, supported him, and helped him figure things out, but he quit college and took a contractor job overseas that paid pretty well. He dumped me out of the blue and used multiple excuses to cover up his true intention of leaving me behind to focus on his career after I supported him through his initial years in med school. They run scared because their partner has asked them to grow up and it terrifies them because they never learned how to grow up. Starts projects, procrastinates, and doesn't finish them? Shutterstock. Then check out these stories from Reddit where folks shared their worst breakup stories. Wow thank you for this. After a breakup, it can be excruciating to deal with all of this, but, before doing anything rash â like sliding into your ex's DMs â you should consider what's going on behind the scenes. Boyfriend blindsided me with break up. Whether to just give up and walk away for good (I donât actually think I could) or wait til the new year and see if the situation is up for discussion. He refused to discuss this with me stating âI can do this. Feelings were definitely forming on both sides. I see all this in myself and in her. A guy that blindsided my friend with a breakup told me this in private when I asked him why he did it, and he made me swear up and down I would never tell her that was the reason! Shutterstock. I know what mistakes not to make again. An example was someone important to her forgot her birthday, and she said she was fine with it and just got on with her day, saying she didn't really care about that stuff. GaudiLab/Shutterstock Getting this out of your head and onto a piece of ⦠Sadly, they will repeat this pattern throughout their life and never achieve true happiness with anyone. This included projects, job searches, probably our relationship too tbh. 2. verb To physically strike someone who is not in a position to defend themselves. 8.5k. He went home for Christmas and it was essentially a trip for him to be able to decide whether we would both move back there within the next year and start to set up there. It may be hard to find a silver lining when you're blindsided by a breakup like that. Many go from job to job never being able to keep one for any long period of time. Like... what kind of mess?? I Blindsided Him With A Breakup & It Still Haunts Me Sometimes. See more. And I think she used her 'active and practical' persona to pretend she wasn't bothered by things. Does a child feel bad when they say, âI hate you?â Itâs a psyche that normal functioning people canât even understand. After that I never had a doubt again. I understand what youre saying. They have the body and mental capacity of an adult but the emotional level of a child. Drug and alcohol abuse or other such issues are common. Yup, the blindside breakup. For years now, it's been a personal passion of mine to help people recover from heartbreak. It's like you said, "better it happens now than 10 years down the line". Hereâs what I know for sure about people who deal you a âblindsided breakupâ: Itâs not the case that they just woke up that day and decided to do it. Iâve been seeing this woman for a few months and initially it was just about sex which was fine. because you are totally unprepared for the emotional fallout. Reddit LinkedIn WhatsApp Email Print ... Whitneyâs breakup with Chase totally blindsided her. With no new job lined up? Doesn't feel comfortable talking about them? I guess I hoped for this but it was days after the incident & giving this as a reason for a breakup ⦠Everything truly seemed fine and in my opinion, our personalities were great together. She would deflect from intimate conversations with humour or by 'accidentally' interrupting with an irrelevant train of thought. But it was too late at that point. She would commit to things with no thought of how she would feel during the thing she was committing to. They were emotionally neglected by their parents and never learned how to mature. According to experts, this is what regrets after a breakup might really mean. Many people who end relationships this way very likely suffered from emotional neglect as a child and never emotionally matured into an adult. Happy ⦠She didnât bring anything up that was bothering her and led me to believe there were no problems. Surely not even him, yeah he got what he wanted but surely in the long term this kind of toxic behaviour has consequences? Even when it was obvious she'd feel that way. Connect with someone. Your partner blindsided you with the breakup,â well then, itâs only natural that you may need to take some extra time to recover. Imagine a little girl playing with a toy. Donât set yourself up to be punched in the face by having a âtalkâ, you are only going to hear things that will hurt you. I'm telling you right now, you're going to need a box of tissues to get through these. In between his time ignoring me and getting fucked up he had however downloaded tinder and proceeded to tell other girls to âwait for himâ that he âwill be back for good in the next few monthsâ - without me evidently. So thatâs what led me to feel blindsided, never in a million years would I have guessed how she felt. I would have had to try to get the relationship to go further, or end it, if something major hadn't forced her to address it. Like everything was picture perfect up until that day or even week. 4. Looking back now I can see my mistakes, and things that I wouldâve changed in a heartbeat if I knew it was bothering her. You're going to need friends with whom you can talk, cry, laugh, and ultimately travel forward together out of this unhappy spot you're in. She LOVED getting gifts. All the things that were pushing her buttons too far. Would you expect a five year old to sit down and rationally discuss a relationship? report. I would answer but I wouldn't engage or have a reaction. I don't believe in breaks, especially an 8 month "break". So I wrote jokes. The only thing I can think of that was even going wrong was that our NYE plans didnât work out, so ⦠This is one of the worst things that can happen when you are dating someone. ... Iâll be deleting Reddit and Iâll update everyone in about 1 month! I thought a lot of her reasons were bullshit, but after enough months passed I was able to see that there were signs I ⦠Breakup Type #3: The Blindside Breakup. Turns out her husband had threatened to hurt himself if me and her continued. You've Been Betrayed, Making Learning How To Get Over Heartbreak Seem Impossible. And cruelly leave you without any answers. Close. If there's one thing we can pretty much all agree on, it's that breaking up with someone is never a particularly fun or easy task. Emotionally immature, can't take responsibility of own actions, etc.. Because we have been LD from the get go for 2 years, I asked for one hour of quality time after seeing that he started to focus on video games more. I had been warned previously my ex was prone to self sabotage. I just hope he realizes what heâs lost while I move forward. Talks about being unable to discuss feelings their entire life? Iâll agree some points of it are a little sketchy. Red flag. The site may not work properly if you don't, If you do not update your browser, we suggest you visit, Press J to jump to the feed. That turned into me saying "he's not good enough" and "he doesn't do enough". One day you can be walking on cloud nine thinking that everything is fine in your relationship, and the next you are blindsided by a breakup. Not me. Your partner blindsided you with the breakup,â well then, itâs only natural that you may need to take some extra time to recover. Robin L. Flanigan is a national award-winning journalist for magazines and newspapers, and author of the childrenâs book M is for Mindful.After receiving a bachelorâs degree in language and literature from St. Maryâs College of Maryland, she worked for eleven years in newsrooms including The Herald-Sun in Durham, North Carolina, and the Democrat and Chronicle in Rochester, New York. save. It is my decisionâ after I asked him to reconsider and talk the relationship through with me and why he would decide this over working through it. My ex, throughout the entire relationship, and really hardcore post-relationship, has said that he "can't be loved by just one person" and that "he needs everyone to love him or he's not satisfied". Of course not. When someone treats you like this, it is some of the worst pain and suffering a human being can ever experience. While I donât agree with all the points of it. Itâs like dating someone with the mind of a 5 year old child. The only good thing about this breakup is the list of red flags I've been able to compile. Breakup Type #2: The Mutual Breakup. She went on to say that it was always only sex and that she doesnât do feelings. As soon as he had enough money to move on, he did. But my ex was fresh out of the army after serving for 11.5 years, suddenly went from having income to nothing, from being a badass to a 31-year old college student. When she did talk about 'emotions', she was usually really talking about behaviour, or would use metaphors. This is true. The blindsided breakup is kind of like a surprise party, minus the fun, and all of the drinking. She LOVED when people showed her just basic emotional attention, I think because she rarely got much of it. Like this video? Tommy totally blind sided me when he told me he was going to prom with my ex-girlfriend. Same thing happened to meeeee. Read along and take solace in ⦠Ended up doing 8 days of NC, just to break it BUT I didn't regret it. It still tugs at our heartstrings years later. He didn't want to compromise & ended it for good when he blamed me for losing money at the casinos because I messaged him. Have you attempted or talked to anyone new/open to it? I went to therapy over it and my therapist said it sounds like he's a classic narcissist (he was a Green Beret, "special" is literally in his old job description) with borderline tendencies (he had a lot of moodswings). Whether It Was From Cheating In A Relationship Or Being Left By Your Spouse, This Sudden Blindsiding Can Crush You. For example, she did not predict that looking for a job was going to be draining, despite more than one person telling her that, and it just being generally obvious. Breakups & Exes; By Jordan White; Blindsiding someone with a breakup is rarely a classy move, but sometimes, it feels like the only way out of a relationship that just isnât working. Yep. His trip was just over two weeks, over half of which he ignored me entirely, put me on the back burner, didnât even wish me a merry Christmas (after being together for 5 years). How to Get Over Being Blindsided by a Breakup Every breakup has a story. I know where I went wrong in the relationship, Iâve accepted the mistakes Iâve made and the outcome it led to. And then suddenly over a weekend (i saw the shift happen before my eyes) it was gone. Especially if you've been so caught up in your now-defunct relationship that you've missed spending time with good friends, this is the time to reconnect. And you have done nothing to deserve this and remember, it has nothing to do with you. Or even years. There's nothing worse than being blindsided by a breakup. ... Find an outlet for all the things you used to tell him: a blog, a journal, a Twitter account, Reddit, other friends. But then she would be shocked by how she felt once she was in the thing she committed to. At this point, I've hit my point of "I don't care, it is what it is, do whatever the hell you want". Rationally I know the answer but Iâve never really had this level connection with someone or been this hurt by a break up. Blindside definition is - to hit unexpectedly from or as if from the blind side. The post did help confirm that my ex was emotionally a child, maybe not 5 year old level, but definitely not where she would have been for a serious relationship. Breakups & Exes; By Jordan White; Blindsiding someone with a breakup is rarely a classy move, but sometimes, it feels like the only way out of a relationship that just isnât working. Five Ways to Deal with the âBlindsidedâ Breakup. When she talked about 'dealing' with things in her life, she talked about blowing up about it, or making passive aggressive comments. Subscribe to our free daily email and get a new idiom video every day! Itâs like dating someone with the mind of a 5 year old child. 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